The Art of Reinvention

Remember the cliché, “Necessity is the mother of invention”? Well it is true, and what is also true is that “Necessity is the also mother of reinvention.”  It is not a one time thing, well at least in my life it has not been. When I am speaking to clients who are feeling lost or are not sure how to bring new things into their lives, I remind them they can start over at anytime. There are always examples of people who have done just that no matter the circumstances.

I have a client who is in a bad marriage. Her husband doesn't want to divorce, but he cheats, and there is more, but suffice it to say, the marriage is in bad shape. She is aware and wants to start over. She is middle aged, has a job that doesn't earn a lot and a mortgage. Is she ready to take the chances she  needs to in order to reinvent herself? Can she leave him, sell the house, get a better job, start a business or find some way to enhance her paycheck? I guess we will see, but she can. When a 70 year old man can finish law school, anything can happen.

When I left my childhood behind I reinvented myself at least twice in the first 5 years. I went from a party girl to being an active member of my church, one who went to school, did not smoke, drink or sleep around. I graduated with my own class. Then when I left my foster home, I had to reinvent myself again, and choose a life for myself.  Reinvention is the process that allows people to find a new way of living when it is necessary. When you go through a break up, or a death, or some other life altering event remember you can change your life. 

The first thing needed is honesty. Not necessarily with others, but with yourself.  You need to face your life. At 33, I was drinking non-stop. My friends were buying houses, settling down with a partner and developing a career.  I had a hard time doing those things.  I could not stop drinking no matter what I tried.  I had to find a way to change my life.  I was definitely at a bottom. It wasn’t until I was willing to put down the alcohol, and reinvent my life that I was able to start growing up, and moving forward.

Are you willing to do the things required to start over?  That is the second part of what is required. I am at another stage of my life. My son is 2 years away from being 18, my husband is gone now, and I have to reinvent myself again. One of the first parts of that is I finished my college degree. I am at the gym 5 days a week these days, and still regularly attend my meetings. I socialize, more and am learning to do new things. So I am doing things that will create the new life.

When you are in a place that feels as if life is unfair and  against you, remember that feelings are not facts.  You can reinvent yourself and your life at any time. I am a testament to a human’s ability to change and embrace new experiences. So remember when you feel as if it is dark, and you can’t see a way out, remember you can always reinvent yourself. Even if it seems the progress is slow, just keep doing it, and soon you will notice that life is getting brighter. 

 

Skyrim Part 10 - THIS GOD DAMN TOWN

Love Yourself!!

I moved into this wonderful townhouse in the last month, so I took down all of my family photos to pack away. As I was doing so I came across one that changed me profoundly.  It was  picture of 2 little girls, one blond one brunette sitting on a swing set.  Years ago when first working on myself I went to therapy to do “inner child” work.  I could not really grasp the concept at the time.  I had no childhood photos of myself.  I had no reference. I was sure that if I had an inner child, I did not like her.  I did my best to “pretend to visualize” and make peace with her. I did not at that time understand the value of what was presented to me.


As I proceeded with recovery, the tasks, the meetings, the abstinence and the prayer began to work on me. Slowly at first.  I got married and had a little boy!!  Life continued to evolve.  I did not realize at the time but the things I had learned to do had started to change me, they were loving gestures to a woman that moved previously through her life mostly on her own.  Not loving herself, or caring for her own body and life.Certainly I did not care for others, except in the most superficial way. I was growing up and learning to love myself.

Fast forward and it now about 15 years later, my sister sent me a picture her father’s family gave her. It was of her and I on a swing set. It hit me like a ton of bricks.  I was a perfectly ordinary girl, a little stoic, but blond and cute.  There were no horns growing out of my head, or ugliness. I came to really see my inner child that day, embrace her and I vowed to care for her the rest of my life.  That I believe is when my inner changes really occurred.

I would love to tell you I was never self destructive again, but I am an recovering person, not a saint, so you know that is not true. It did change my view about myself..  I had value. It ties into this book that sat on my shelf for years. It is called Soul Love, by Sanaya Roman.
I picked up this book years ago.  I love history, I like heavy text-like books, anything else, is an effort to read.  I know its weird, but there it is. So I use opportunities, like my son’s Karate, to spiritually grow through reading.  I grab the book on the way out of the door.  I get to the studio thinking Oh God, this is all I have to read.

Well, the book is a gem, and there are exercises I do in my head there on the side lines at karate.  I love my connection to God and to spirit, I am so blessed that at times, its just there. You know I hate fluffy self-help stuff.   For years when I drank, I would suck up a book on how to win friends, or improve my lot in life.  It never stuck, because I was unwilling to change. So I started seeing self-help as fluffy and superfluous. It seemed shallow.  AA is what worked for me, honesty, and responsibility.  Any good character I got for years came from those meetings.  All that “just love yourself” advice was lost on me, and sometimes I see it’s hard for my clients too.

Over the last 23 years and especially since Adrian died, I feel transformed in this regard.  I understand. I was born in this body and this life.  These are my jobs while I am here. This is my equipment, my face to the world.  If this were my child I would treat her quite differently. My heart was moved by what she carried and went through.

My son is my jewel.  I had him so late in life, he is why I have a home business, so I can volunteer at school, and be there for him. So why not treat myself with the same devotion? Since that realization, when anything comes up about or around me, my loyalty and steadfastness go to myself. I want my life to have character, and humility, to be a worker among workers.  You know I love that little me, and that photo.

It has made how I treat others and myself completely different.  It is a process, so I am still the student.  Changing that one thing, I finally understand what it means to really love yourself, and what it means to love others.  It is the first commandment to love the Lord God with all your might, and to love others as you would your self.  It has nothing to do with your job or success or failure, loving yourself is based on intrinsic value as a human being, nothing more.  That is enough.

Why this is important?  If you really look at your situations with an honest love for yourself, you will not put yourself in harms way as often.  You will not tolerate bad behavior toward or from yourself.  You will see your value in any relationship, and not stay in dysfunctional situations. Spirit always shows me love around people. I never get judgment, or condemnation around any client I read. Sometimes I see consequences, but never judgment. If I could give you anything, it would be you are worthy of love.  You are worth fighting for.