I Have Seen You somewhere Before....

Sound familiar?  When I was growing up, there was a saying I don't hear much anymore, that everyone has  a double somewhere in the world.  There are also real life stories of people who have literally run into people who look exactly like them.  In literature the word "doppelganger" (a German word meaning double walker) is used to described this paranormal phenomenon.


I found a few stories of famous people who have had doppelganger encounters:

• Percy Bysshe Shelley, who was a well known English poet in his own right, and the husband of Mary Shelley, the author of Frankenstein. He saw his doppelganger several times in his life, normally when he was ill.  When he was in Italy shortly before his 29th birthday, he again saw his doppelganger pointing to the Mediterranean Sea. Shortly thereafter Shelley drown at sea.
• Queen Elizabeth I walked into her boudoir one day and saw herself lying on her bed. She died shortly after.
• Abraham Lincoln saw in the mirror himself as two faces, more than one time.  One face had a very pale pallor on it. He saw it more than one time. When he told Mary she was worried. She thought it meant he would be elected a second term, but would not live through it. He was assassinated in 1865.
• One I considered fascinating is "a case that suggests that doppelgangers might have something to do with time or dimensional shifts, Johann Wolfgang von Goethe, the 18th century German poet, confronted his doppelganger while riding on the road to Drusenheim. Riding toward him was his exact double, but wearing a gray suit trimmed in gold. Eight years later,Von Goethe was again traveling on the same road, but in the opposite direction. He then realized he was wearing the very gray suit trimmed in gold that he had seen on his double eight years earlier! Had Von Goethe seen his future self?"(1)

In our culture of present day doppelgangers are seen as omens of darkness, even impending death. In literature there are often reasons for these doppelgangers. They represent evil, in the battle of good and evil. Edgar Allen Poe wrote a short story "William Wilson", a man who is living destructively is followed by his doppelganger as his he was not living up to his moral fiber.  The famous ballet movie with Mila Kunis and Natalie Portman, The Black Swan was a great portrayal of the cinematic role of the doppelganger.

Even in my own life, my doppelganger appeared to my son. I was in another part of the house. It was during a period of duress in my life. Adrian had died a couple of years before, I dated a man after that was totally unhealthy for me, and I was lost. It sort of frightened me. I wasn't sure what it meant.  Was I going to die?  Was I astral projecting? I did not like either one of these options.  Years later, I still don't understand.  I haven't done it since that I am aware of. It goes to my theory of multidimensional living. In the most ordinary lives, the universe finds a way to intervene. It makes me realize how intricate and interesting the process of our creation is. That though is another blog.

1. www.paranormal.about.com/

The Dark Half

Do you long to see those who have harmed you get what you think is coming to them?  Do you wish Karma was immediate, maybe even retroactive?  Well you are not alone, I have spoke to many people who wish they "got what was coming to them", or wonder how they can just have this great life, when they have been so cruel. I notice as I am speaking to people and they continue on with the conversation, they begin to feel guilt themselves. So will even say something like, "I am really not a bad person, it just seems so unfair they could do so well, when they have hurt me."  They struggle with their own dark feelings.  Jung calls that our shadow self, it includes dark and unknown aspects of our personalities.

The Shadow self is made up of choices. We choose by acting or not acting in a certain way. When you choose to call the boyfriend’s wife, that is a choice.  When you choose to let go and move forward, that also is a choice.  This can be done on little tiny slights that hurt someone. You just don't return calls, or don't choose the other person for your book club.  Thomas Moore in the The Care of The Soul says “The person we choose to be automatically creates a dark double-the person we choose not to be.”  One of the most popular stories that illustrates the principal is Robert Louis Stevenson’s Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde that shows a man with who life splits because of it. It is almost like having a dark twin that resides inside of us.

Though we live in a free culture in the USA, at times some of own choices seem not free at all. It appears our choices are made by our families, our friends or work.   Women are taught not to be as assertive and boys not to cry. Now these are very generalized, but you get my meaning. Repressed your feelings enough and these feelings or parts of our personality can become detrimental, harming ourselves and others.  This is true especially when they are acted out.  Anger, sexual repression, lying and stealing even addictions are examples of this.  They seem to unleash an almost “other” personality to a normally well adjusted Person. 

There are ways, numerous ways to cope with these parts of one’s personality.  The first I believe is to accept, even embrace it. Why, you ask, it is human part of our personality.  The next part of this is to find a healthy way to express it.  I always suggest expressing it through writing, talking to a safe person, through exercise, art,  there are many ways.  I know a gentle man, who had what he considered a dark side, and he did role playing games, liked science fiction. Though not a fan of Shadow Run myself, it helped him.  I never saw it manifest in destructive patterns.

There is a positive side to this.  A seemingly gentle person who finally stands up for themselves in an uncharacteristic stance, is also using a shadow side.  It says, “enough is enough and I am not going to take it anymore.”  Or, “I am just going to do it, I don’t care what people think.” It creates freedom, and even ambition, positive change.    These characteristics need to honed and made a positive part of the person. They can be part of a spiritual experience when people make broad sweeping changes.

The shadow represents what is  repressed or hidden in us. A lot of times you see it in a person both male and female in mid life.  We call them crisis, but sometimes they are that part repressed for too long pushing to the surface.  These pieces can be integrated with the person.  Then a whole new life formed by own them and examining them.  Assimilating one’s shadow is the greatest expression of a human life.  So when you think you want to call his wife, embrace it and call a friend, or journal, or just go to the gym and exercise until you feel it.  Pause when agitated or doubtful is one of the best pieces of information anyone has ever given me.

So What About Perfection?

Can we really ever be perfect? Is our desire to be perfect obtainable or merely an illusion? I watched recently the original Star Trek, with Captain Jim, and it is a classic.  Watching the show was joyful, it was full of good memories.   Then I shared Star Trek with my 14 year old son, who actually liked it.  As we watched it, I started to judge it in my head.  I judged the special effects. They are antiquated compared with any of the movies of today. As I continued to watch not only did my son and I share a great afternoon, but I came to like the show more and more.  

 Anyway I started thinking about the huge block buster Superman chain, and the newly released Batman movie, The Dark Knight Rises. How intricate and complex they were and how flawless they appeared.  Even our favorite Twilight movies are more perfection.  When I grew up vampires were creatures that did not exist in light and certainly did not sparkle.  They were not vegans, and especially not emergency room doctors. Though slightly romantic, they sucked blood and took your life. They were monsters.  The end.  Now I love the Twilight movies so for the rest of this blog I remove it from comparison.

I was watching Leonard Nimoy (I always thought Spock and I had a future) and William Shatner.  These actors were beautiful, but not perfect.  The heroic Captain Kirk, handsome and muscular, "going where no man had gone before". The statuesque Nimoy who wrote poetry in real life.  They were perfect in their own imperfection. There was always that extra crew member that went down on whatever planet, and was killed.  Jim would say,"Crew man Jones is going with you".  You knew then Jones was doomed.   The sets now resemble a high school production at best. Then it was expressed with the utmost creativity and science fiction advances. 

We arrogantly seek a perfect healthy younger body, to make all our dreams come true. Maybe we're creating a perfect romantic relationship.  Or starting a business, with the cliches “be all you can be”, or “just do it.” Whatever it is. If not then somehow our life seems a little less wonderful , and we are diminished.  We have in the last 45 years since this show, airbrushed ourselves in every possible way both literally, and metaphorically.

From my point of view this is sad, just plain sad.  We are never going to be perfect, we are not meant to be perfect, we are meant to be human.  We are meant to have a human experience.  I could blame technology or Hollywood, but both of these are responses to our dreams, fantasies and desires.  Does that mean I don’t want to improve? No it does not.  I try every day to do the best I can to improve. My life is a work in progress.  I feel at times, we have lost the beauty of God and the joy at being alive.

 We have just forgotten that fantasy is just that, a fantasy.  Our flawed bodies give us life and except for the 159 lb 5 year old girl, we were made to go through this life this way. Our bodies give love and give life back. Our flawed relationships are our companions, and frankly they are getting more difficult to find. A lot of us are waiting for the perfect woman with the perfect body or the man who will make great money and not burp in public.  We all are not going to be CEOs, or movie stars or super sport stars.They are exceptions not the rule.

The rest of us, the rule, are the substance of our world.  We matter as much as the  stunning exceptions.  As I age, I value the imperfection, the overworked mother without make up raising small children on too little money, she is the hero.  The man who works really hard in the mines to feed and care for his family, he is a hero. They are all imperfect by our airbrushed, “reach for the stars" over achieving population.   When I grown up I want their character, their hard work, and the ability to fly poorly and land badly.  So embrace your diversity and your uniqueness.  Right now in our world,  that is to "Boldly go where no man has gone before".

It's the Story of My Life

www.angelicvisions-healing.com

I spoke to a client today after her boyfriend left her, ran off and married another woman.  Her last words to me before she hung up were,  “it’s the story of my life.”  At some time in our lives, I know many of us have felt this way.  So are we destined to replay the roles in our romantic lives over and over? Astrologers will  point out that there are certain markers in a natal chart, that could leave us reacting in certain ways. I will suggest this definitely has an influence, but your love life is determined more by nurture than nature.  Meaning that we have choice in how our love life goes.  That the choices we make romantically have more to do with our views of ourselves and how we were raised, than a predestined fate. That is not to say I do not believe in destiny bring to soulmates together. I absolutely believe in that, and you still have choices to make.  I am also aware that in some cultures parents choose mates. So I am not addressing other cultures. I have not experienced it and would be uneducated about the process.

We can never control fully another person, we can control how we come across, how we handle our lives, how we look (at least to some degree) to our romantic partners.  I have a saying that is true for me. In my life, it is not the men I have treated the best who have loved me the most. It is the men that I have been willing to be myself around and not be concerned how they saw me. Those are the men who have stood by me.  I say this mostly because it has taken me lots of dating and many years to understand this.

For years,  I drank, I drank every day.  I did not do drugs really (pot being the exception), I just loved a good disco, then dancing, then parties, then just liquor.  As I drank, my relationships got progressively more dysfunctional.  Why wouldn't they?  I was using "bad" bait.  I attracted more dysfunctional people, and romantically I seemed in pain a lot. Later I just did not care. Any hopes of real love were gone, I was just looking for relief and some kind of companionship and sex.

By the time I got sober, I blamed my love life on the people I was involved with. Guess what? I brought those people in my life and involved myself with them. I was the common denominator. However for a time I continued to see myself as a victim. Luckily for me, I had good people in my life who practiced tough love. I began to see I was a volunteer not a victim, and I was at times a perpetrator of a bad relationships. I did it in all kinds of ways. I did not honor myself. I could not set boundaries with people,  if I wanted to date you I would do anything to date you, including changing myself into a pretzel, spending monies I did not have, skip work to be with you, ignore the way you treated me, and encourage you to comeback knowing all those things. In the end, I picked people I did not even respect to fill the void.

I have learned so much in the last 22 years. It happened gradually, and I was at my healthiest when I met my husband.  I could say no, I was independent; I took care of my body, my money and spirit.  I had friendships with others. At that point I was more a whole person than I had ever been.  I was firm with  my boundaries to the point of almost letting go of him.  He altered what he was doing, I did not.

I tell you this because it is a universal truth that anyone can apply. There is nothing special about me. In fact I would go so far to say if I can put forth that effort, anyone can. I am queen of mistakes. The process starts with us. If he says he doesn’t want a commitment, and you can’t negotiate something you can be comfortable with, believe him. If it turns out different, you will know, because he will change it. If you want to catch a better fish, use better bait. We have a choice from how we carry ourselves, to how we let ourselves be treated, and the 1000s of small things in between. So indeed it is my belief now that we are co-creators with God in our lives. We are not destined to repeat our past romantic mistakes unless we choose to. There is another choice.

So help yourself to recover, there are a myriad of ways from 12 step groups, to therapy both group and private, to books, and support groups.  A lot of these are low or no cost. Even church's have groups that meet in their parishes. So the choice is up to you, what kind of a relationship do you want?