The Dark Half

Do you long to see those who have harmed you get what you think is coming to them?  Do you wish Karma was immediate, maybe even retroactive?  Well you are not alone, I have spoke to many people who wish they "got what was coming to them", or wonder how they can just have this great life, when they have been so cruel. I notice as I am speaking to people and they continue on with the conversation, they begin to feel guilt themselves. So will even say something like, "I am really not a bad person, it just seems so unfair they could do so well, when they have hurt me."  They struggle with their own dark feelings.  Jung calls that our shadow self, it includes dark and unknown aspects of our personalities.

The Shadow self is made up of choices. We choose by acting or not acting in a certain way. When you choose to call the boyfriend’s wife, that is a choice.  When you choose to let go and move forward, that also is a choice.  This can be done on little tiny slights that hurt someone. You just don't return calls, or don't choose the other person for your book club.  Thomas Moore in the The Care of The Soul says “The person we choose to be automatically creates a dark double-the person we choose not to be.”  One of the most popular stories that illustrates the principal is Robert Louis Stevenson’s Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde that shows a man with who life splits because of it. It is almost like having a dark twin that resides inside of us.

Though we live in a free culture in the USA, at times some of own choices seem not free at all. It appears our choices are made by our families, our friends or work.   Women are taught not to be as assertive and boys not to cry. Now these are very generalized, but you get my meaning. Repressed your feelings enough and these feelings or parts of our personality can become detrimental, harming ourselves and others.  This is true especially when they are acted out.  Anger, sexual repression, lying and stealing even addictions are examples of this.  They seem to unleash an almost “other” personality to a normally well adjusted Person. 

There are ways, numerous ways to cope with these parts of one’s personality.  The first I believe is to accept, even embrace it. Why, you ask, it is human part of our personality.  The next part of this is to find a healthy way to express it.  I always suggest expressing it through writing, talking to a safe person, through exercise, art,  there are many ways.  I know a gentle man, who had what he considered a dark side, and he did role playing games, liked science fiction. Though not a fan of Shadow Run myself, it helped him.  I never saw it manifest in destructive patterns.

There is a positive side to this.  A seemingly gentle person who finally stands up for themselves in an uncharacteristic stance, is also using a shadow side.  It says, “enough is enough and I am not going to take it anymore.”  Or, “I am just going to do it, I don’t care what people think.” It creates freedom, and even ambition, positive change.    These characteristics need to honed and made a positive part of the person. They can be part of a spiritual experience when people make broad sweeping changes.

The shadow represents what is  repressed or hidden in us. A lot of times you see it in a person both male and female in mid life.  We call them crisis, but sometimes they are that part repressed for too long pushing to the surface.  These pieces can be integrated with the person.  Then a whole new life formed by own them and examining them.  Assimilating one’s shadow is the greatest expression of a human life.  So when you think you want to call his wife, embrace it and call a friend, or journal, or just go to the gym and exercise until you feel it.  Pause when agitated or doubtful is one of the best pieces of information anyone has ever given me.